Love & Joy in 2012

It's that time of year right now, where everyone is looking ahead to a brand new year.
Some are making resolutions.
Some are setting goals.
Some are looking back.
And most are looking forward.
I know for me, I don't typically make any hard and fast resolutions.
I do tend to look back and use the changing of the year as a marker though.
I mark where I have been, and then where I want to go.
Because, realistically......I can't see my future if I don't examine my past.
We celebrated New Year's Eve, quietly, at home.
We lit our Advent candles and some other candles and turned the lights down low.
I know.....We were supposed to be done celebrating Advent.
But we hadn't quite finished during the appropriate time frame.
And really.....Should the meaning of Advent leave us just because Christmas is over?
We also keep our tree up until New Year's Day.
And I have to tell you.
Both of my youngest boys cried when it was time to take it down.
They loved the twinkling lights and soft glow, first thing in the morning.
And late into the evening.
And, as we put the little boys to bed, and spent the evening watching a movie with our oldest son.
I couldn't help but think......
Our Christmas cards this year were a perfect reflection of our family goals.
In fact. So fitting were they, that I have decided to make it our mission statement this year.

Love and Joy.

And as we were drifting off to sleep, after the clock struck 12. I asked my husband.....where does he want us to go in the new year, and how does he want it to look?

And he said, "more love and more joy."

"More time together.
Reaching deeper into the hearts of our children.
More prayer, more growing together, more understanding each other, more God."

And I had to agree.
And when I look at this past year.
I see some lessons learned that were so clearly defined, that it would be impossible to ignore any and all directions that we must go.
For one thing.
And this was life changing.
I have for a long time felt the presence of God in my life.

But, I would say that it was more of a peripheral feeling.
Just a strong and faithful knowing of Him.

I know. That sounds very......topical.
But this year, after some defining moments in my life.
He became more real to me than at any other time in my life.
Or, at least since I first became a Christian.
And it wasn't just one cataclysmic thing. It was more like a series of deeply intense messages and signs......that were meant to strike me, in my heart and in my soul.
In fact, so big was His refining of myself, that I can't even express it to you, today.
It surpasses anything I have ever known.
And it is so deep and so big that it almost hurts my heart.
Does that even make any sense?

So deep and abiding is His love for me, and my life that I CAN NOT even eloquently express it to you.

And I pray........Pray. Pray.Pray.Pray.

That this will be given to you as well.
This past year also provided such a deeper, kinder more passionate love for my children.

Is that even possible?

I'm not sure why this was so.
Maybe because I constantly hear the march of time, beating quietly in the background of my life.
Love and Joy are at the top of the list.
As is nurture.
How can I, nurture them, into the children....and adults that they are to become?
And I love this sign that my daughter is holding.
Can you read it?

"Small acts can transform the world."

Is there anything truer?

I want transformation as well as to give it.
This past year saw a marked change in the relationship with my husband as well.
And while I would say that we have a very good relationship......it is being transformed into....

Grand.

And I will give this credit directly to God.
It has not been on my own.
It has come through a requirement of changes on my part.
And his.
God has definitely been at work in building a new foundation with us.
And finally...... A lesson that I think came fully to fruition in 2011.
Which I am sure, actually began in 2010.

The release of expectations.

Which almost felt like a physical response.
So deflating was it, as it left.

I think for many years.....I carried with me the expectant feelings that......other people will share my heart, feelings, attitudes, reactions, desires, responsibilities, needs.....

And that we will unite as one over this.
Boy.....
Was I wrong in this area.

And boy....was I a slow learner.

And now.
I approach relationships completely differently.
I think this is still, to some degree, unfolding in me and so I can't quite define it for you.
I just know, that there has been a major shift in this area, which has I am sure, released me in some very intimate ways, as well as released others who are in my life.

Does that sound vague?
I hope not.
That is not my intention.
Hopefully it will become clearer in this new year, and I will write of it again.
I think that I can say with all honesty......
This was a year that has stretched me more emotionally and spiritually than any other year thus far.

And I am excited to enter 2012 with a profound sense of love and joy.

The kind that comes from inside.
The kind that comes from Him.
The kind that says.....I want more and will seek it.
Which is my wish for you, too.
I pray you all love and joy in this new year.
I pray that you will continue to stop by, leave your comments and e-mails, feel a kindred spirit, find a little of yourself here.

But mostly.
That you will find Him.

I appreciate each and everyone of you.
Many of you are my friends, some of you are my family, and a few of you are strangers just passing by.

And I love each of you, even if I don't know you by name, or know your story, but He does.

And He is with you.
As am I.

Happy New Year, all of my Sweet Country Sugar Pies!
You each make my life beautiful.

XO
XO
XO